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fashion, Rent the Runway Unlimited, Style, weight, what I wore

Here’s Why I’m Cancelling my Rent the Runway Subscription

February 26, 2020

When I embarked on my trial of Rent the Runway Unlimited, I did it with a lot of excitement. I couldn’t wait to share my killer outfits with you all and I had a lot of optimism about the experience. After trying it for about two months, I can clearly and definitively say that the service isn’t for me. Literally, it’s not designed for people like me who are living in a bigger body in this world.

Before I hop into the reasons why I’m cancelling my membership, I do want to highlight some positive features from my experience:

  • Great technology. Shopping on the site is really easy. I love that they have integrated pictures of the pieces on ‘real’ people via the pictures submitted with reviews. When pictures were available, this helped immensely to see how the outfit would fit different bodies.
  • Good operations. The pieces showed up reliably in 2-3 days. I really liked the reusable garment bags and the pre-printed shipping labels that would slot into the garment bags. Bonus points for the recycling of the bags and hangers. I appreciated that they handed those details and did what they could to make their company more sustainable.

Now, for my main issue with Rent the Runway Unlimited:

They don’t serve bigger bodies well.

I didn’t realize how much of a discrepancy there was between their larger offerings and their straight sizes until I saw this post by Emily Henderson where she reviewed the service and had some really cute stuff to share. I never saw items remotely that good! I typically have to dig and dig within the site to find four items that I think could work well for me and my body. I usually ended up renting really generic stuff that had flexible material with a hope that it would fit me. When I tried to go with pieces that were a bit more ‘fashion forward’, I always paid the price for that risk because the pieces that were sent to me in my normal size were too small. To see the cool, fashionable stuff available to Emily because she is living in a smaller body really made me angry because they are charging me the exact same amount to use their service and they are under-serving me compared to more conventionally acceptable body sizes.

And…

I’m about to crawl up on my soap box here, but I’m technically a ‘normal’ sized woman! I wear a size 14, which is literally the average size of an American woman these days. So, they are a company that claims to serve women and be size-inclusive, but it is just lip service because they do not provide a reliable and comparable selection that accommodates all women. I go to their website and see that they are claiming that their mission is to make women feel empowered and and self-confident, but I really had to check myself while using their service numerous times and remind myself that my size isn’t my self-worth and there isn’t something wrong with my body because it doesn’t happen to fit into the clothes they decide to buy for their customers.

I do not enjoy being a critic. I went back and forth numerous times about even writing this post, but telling the truth about my experience with the service is my responsibility because I literally signed up for Rent the Runway Unlimited to write about it here on my blog. I feel that they are doing a poor job being inclusive with their offerings and I believe they have a responsibility to address these issues or they should simply not offer clothing for women of my size or larger because to take our money without offering a comparable service to us isn’t ethical.

However, I don’t want to just sit here and complain without offering solutions. I’ve thought of a few ways they can improve their offerings for women in larger bodies:

  • Match clothing offerings to actual body measurements. For example, the last time I used the service to go on our vacation to Hawaii, I ordered two different tops all in XXL because I wanted to make sure they would fit me. One top was so tight on my arms I couldn’t wear it comfortably while the other was so big I was swimming in it. If they had matched those tops to my actual measurements and then recommended the correct size, I could’ve avoided multiple issues with their service. This benefit would help all of their customers because it would ensure that rentals fit, thus making more happy customers.
  • Stock the work of incredible designers who already serve larger bodies. Christian Siriano is amazing. Asos Curve has kick-ass product. Maria Rinaldi has clothes I covet. Eileen Fisher! Why are these amazing brands not on Rent the Runway Unlimited in a major way in my size? At the very least, reward the designers who are creating compelling clothes for bigger bodies.
  • Demand that designers offer inclusive sizing by refusing to carry them on Rent the Runway unless they make their offerings more size-inclusive. I have to imagine that RTR has become a powerhouse buyer for some of these brands like who are notoriously non-inclusive. Why give them a seat at the table if they do not deserve it?

If you’re living in this world in a smaller body, this post probably seems a bit dramatic. Maybe you’re even thinking that a great solution would be for me to lose a few pounds instead of demanding that Rent the Runway Unlimited change its practices. Trust me, I tried for most of my life to fall within a more socially acceptable body size, but I just don’t. That’s what we call victim blaming. My body isn’t the problem. The problem is a company that is claiming to be size-inclusive and happily taking my money without providing a fair exchange for those dollars. Further, this is a KNOWN complaint about their service that they are not addressing. Just look at the comments on Emily’s post to see the numerous people above a size 14 complaining about the service.

I tried my best to be non-ranty in this review, but I’m not sure I was successful. In short, please do not spend your money on Rent the Runway Unlimited whether you are in a ‘bigger’ body or you’re in a more ‘conventionally acceptable’ body until they truly address these major concerns with the service and do a better job of serving ALL of their customers.

I’m considering trying other rental subscription services to see if they provide a better offering for me, but to tell you the truth I’m just a bit tired right now. I think I’ll take a little break from clothing rental for the next few months.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. What could I do better? How do you feel about Rent the Runway Unlimited after reading my review?

damn delicious, weekly meal plan, weight

Meal Plan, Week 1, 2020

December 30, 2019

black eyed peas

Well, it’s the first week of 2020 and we’re back to meal planning. In years past, I would be going on some super restrictive diet, but now that I’m more intuitive with my food choices, it’s just another week to feel into what I want to eat and to nourish my body accordingly. Sometimes I miss the allure of going on a diet and the whole new body that it promises, but most of the time, I’m really happy with all the work I’ve done to be an intuitive eater. It takes the drama away from food and I really appreciate living that way.

Anyhoo, let’s hop into this week’s meal plan, shall we? It’s a bit of a weird week because of the holiday, but we’re planning nonetheless.

Breakfast:

  • Breakfast frittata with turkey sausage, feta, kale, mushrooms and onions. Yum!

Snacks:

  • Cheese sticks & Salami (really digging this snack lately as I find it really satiating)
  • Trail Mix
  • Clementines and pomegranates
  • Yogurts

Monday:

  • Lunch: Tuna Salad (eaten outside at work! I’m not an animal) + crackers + carrots/sugar snap peas.
  • Dinner: Keith has a DJ gig at his gym and it’s a potluck, so we’ll probably eat there.

Tuesday:

  • Lunch: Scrambled Eggs + Turkey Bacon + Toast
  • Dinner: New Year’s Eve party with friends

Wednesday:

  • Lunch: Black-eyed peas, grandma’s jalapeno cornbread and sauteed kale.  Do you believe that Black-eyed Peas bring good luck? I’m all about it!
  •  Dinner: Leftovers from lunch

Thursday:

  • Lunch: Pita + Cheese + Hummus + Cucumbers
  • Dinner: Chicken Sausage + Roasted Veggies + Rice

Friday:

  • Lunch: Grilled Cheese + Tomato Soup
  •  Dinner: Out

Image Via

deep thoughts, intuitive eating, weight

My Body and Food Healing Journey, Part III: Disordered Eating Takes Root

September 8, 2019

nutty bars image

Hello there! This post is part of a series of essays where I am attempting to retrace the pivotal moments that have defined the relationship I have with food and with my body as I continue on my journey of healing, self-love and acceptance. Learn more about the project here. 

I told you all in my last essay about my first diet, the fruit cocktail and tortilla that kicked off 17 years of yo-yo dieting and restriction for me. I’d be willing to bet that my initial diet lasted less than a day. I’m sure I held strong for as long as I could and then caved in to my cravings and ate something that wasn’t prescribed. But, the seed was planted. The gauntlet was thrown down. Within a few years, I was deep in my self-hatred and some really disordered food behaviors.

I believed I was fat and that being fat was a character flaw, so I set out to ‘fix’ myself. I didn’t know that diets don’t work. The media all around me already encouraged me to restrict my food intake to improve my appearance, so it wasn’t a tough decision. I already had a strong streak of perfectionism and a knack for people pleasing, so I believed that I could work hard enough at my perceived flaw in order to make myself more acceptable.

It was just ‘calories in/calories out’, right?

I focused my energies on the ‘calories in’ side of the equation. In middle school, I went from trying to diet my way thin to straight up not eating as a means of control, my own intermittent fasting before it was a ‘wellness trend’. I would do my best to only eat dinner. Dinner was sacred at our home, the time my mom insisted that we come together as a family. Even though my family supported my weight loss attempts, I was still expected to eat dinner. I would restrict all day as best I could.

I remember that time as the ‘Nutty Bars’ chapter. Remember that Little Debbie dessert? It was peanut butter and wafer cookies enveloped in chocolate. I think my middle school sold them for fifty cents. I liked them so much that I would maybe buy one of those for ‘lunch’ and then not eat again all day until dinner. Can you imagine? I was a teenager, still growing. A Nutty Bar wasn’t going to cut it on the nutrition front for an entire day’s energy output.

I became obsessed with food. It was pretty much all I could think about. It was biological. I was restricting, but my mind was trying to feed me, so I was miserable. I would start every day promising myself that I would be ‘good’. I would be so hungry while at school that I’d have trouble focusing. Sometimes I would be able to resist eating anything. Sometimes I would get my Nutty Bar. Sometimes I would get a Nutty Bar, chips, cookies, the whole shebang. Sometimes I would come home after school and eat everything in sight because my body was screaming for adequate nutrition. My family would see it and I would assume that they were thinking I had no control.

I would agree with them.

Around that time, I used to spend the night at my best friend’s house a lot. Her mom was and still is the kindest soul. She was a labor and delivery nurse. So nurturing, so kind, so caring. She paid a lot of attention to us and she was really concerned about my posture. She never said anything to me directly about it, but my best friend would tell me about how much it bothered her mom that I walked around with my back hunched over. She didn’t want me to have health issues because I couldn’t stand up straight. I now understand that I walked around like that because I wanted to disappear. I was ashamed of myself. I hated the size of my stomach, the width of my shoulders, my thick legs. I felt subconscious all the time and I was deeply disappointed in my perceived inability to overcome the flaw of my own genetics. So, I shrunk myself down. I was trying to make myself small by any means. I folded myself in, arranged my bones to be as small as humanly possible because I hated the space I took up.

It’s so painful to write these essays and retrace the steps on my journey. Before I can get to the place where I can tell you all about the fundamental, life-changing shift that happened to me in my relationship with food, I need to try to explain to you how low down I went into my body shame. I need to remember how painful it was to walk around with my shoulders hunched. How hard it was to loathe myself for the times I fed myself well, to retrace how painful my inner emotions felt and how deeply the restriction I attempted with food affected me. I’m trying to explain the pain, but then I remember that chances are if you’re reading this, you already know.

You probably relate to my attempts to starve myself. You probably already know what it’s like to binge. You can relate to agonizing over every crumb that passes through your lips. Most importantly, you probably already understand that it’s no way to live.

So, this is the story of when the disordered eating took root. This was when it all went beyond a diet to behaviors that harmed me for years, even though I seemed happy and smiling on the outside. This was when the food obsession really ramped up and the self-hatred, too. Thankfully, it’s not the end of the journey by any means, it’s just the part where it started to hurt the most.