I can’t believe it’s my birthday and I’m 34! I’m officially in my mid-thirties, which makes me a real, true grown-up. This past Sunday, I made my own favorite cake for myself (German Chocolate!) and the very act of making my own cake felt like a perfect reflection of my growth this past year. As I was baking, I kept thinking about how much I value myself and my own needs in such a deep way right now that I’ll show up for my own self and bake the yummiest cake just because it feels nurturing for my own being.
Does that make sense or make me sound like a total narcissist?
We’re in the age of self-care right now, but sometimes it feels to me like the conversation around self-care stops at bubble baths and face masks when the true, deeper definition for me is gentleness and kindness and self-preservation. And, it’s not just the adage of ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ because that frames self-care as something you do so that you can give more of yourself to others. That’s the antithesis of what we’re talking about here. Self care is important because I AM IMPORTANT to me. Being fulfilled and happy and nurtured and rested makes me a better version of me for myself. Isn’t that enough of a reason to prioritize myself and my needs? Not in a selfish way, but in a way that doesn’t make me my absolute last priority?
So, this past year was understanding what self-care really means and actually caring for myself about 30% of the time if I’m honest. I’ve spent pretty much my entire life internally berating myself and running myself into the ground and those old habits die hard, but I do feel them melting away. Every time I do something as seemingly insignificant as baking myself a cake, I reprogram my own brain and teach myself that caring for myself is okay and, actually, highly encouraged.
This year, I also got back in touch with my creativity after spending most of the year creatively blocked and creatively yearning for self-expression. I realized that for most of my life, I didn’t value my creativity as the life force that it is. It’s only been in the last month that I can say I am actually allowing myself to fully explore my creativity and it has been the most wonderful experience blogging here and allowing myself to pursue whatever crazy thing I want to create. As much as possible, I am proceeding despite my self-doubt and my self-consciousness. I didn’t realize how much energy it was taking from me to block myself creativity, but I feel the flow coming back for me and it is amazing.
What else happened this year?
I continued to deepen my spiritual practice and made many self-discoveries and breakthroughs. My spirituality is one of the most important aspects of my life and I know that reconnecting with my soul is helping me show up as the person I want to be in this world. I have so much more growth coming this next year and I am welcoming it with wide open arms.
Another major highlight of this last year was watching Keith’s son graduate high school. Having three grown adults and two grown dogs living in our small little home has come with its own challenges, but being part of so many milestones makes it all worth it.
To recap, 33 brought me:
- Nurturing self-care
- Creative expression
- Spiritual growth
- Deepened family bonds
Oh, and it also brought surgery, vertigo, our wedding venue, a new job, lots of trips (Santa Fe, Cabo, Arizona, Miami!) and so much more.
This life I get to live is such a huge blessing to me and I am so incredibly grateful for every moment. I welcome this next year with my arms as wide open as possible because I know that the highs and the lows are going to teach me countless lessons and help mold me in the better person I want to become for myself and for the people I love.
If you feel comfortable sharing, how old are you? What is your biggest lesson from this year of your life?
