I recently read through my last few posts and resisted the urge to delete them. They’re just so…dramatic. I am trying to convey the most painful moments of my life (which, spoiler alert, is a decidedly un-fun undertaking) and it comes out so silly and empty, so I’m taking a break on that project for a bit until I feel like continuing it which probably means that I’ll never come back to it, just like so many projects I’ve started with gusto and then lost interest in completing.
A few months ago, I listened to Cheryl Strayed on Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations and identified with Strayed’s urge to just embrace being mediocre and to write anyway. That’s my new writing motto. I basically suck at writing, but it is the thing I like to do the most of all and so here I am, showing up again with my mediocre at best effort and trying to get a few words on the page.
With an opening like that, let’s just keep the random train thriving and I’ll just share everything that’s on my mind on this sunny Sunday as I wait for my French Onion Soup at La Boulange in Oakland.
- I went to Santa Fe this week for work and fell in love. It’s like where I grew up in Arizona, but not hot. The average age and temperature was around 72 and I felt right at home. I wanted to go to the Georgia O’Keefe museum, but instead had to go on an intense hike with my coworkers that left me literally gasping for air at 7k foot elevation while trying to keep it profesh, pretending like I didn’t feel completely panicked inside because I couldn’t catch my breath. If I had unlimited funds, I would rent an amazing house in Santa Fe for a few months and just, like, eat Mexican food and buy expensive blankets. Maybe take up horseback riding.
- Sometimes I think I have what it takes to succeed in this age of personal branding, especially when I get sucked into the Instagram vortex and I convince myself that it’s not even hard. Other times, I just want to throw up at the absurdity of people cultivating a following by acting on the internet in specific ways that they know will generate clicks. I vacillate between wanting to delete my Instagram app and then reading up on how to be a ‘like to know it’ influencer. Tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way?
- I’m continuing on my spiritual growth path, reading Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment. GUYS, holy shit. To say those books are mind-bending is an understatement. I basically realized that I am making my own self miserable in my brain because I have decided that the only way I can be happy is if the external circumstances in my world that I have almost no control over line up in a way that satisfies me. Absurdity! I also listened to the Untethered Soul at Work audiobook. Talk about a punch in the gut. Choosing to view work as an act of service, where your only job is to do your job to the best of your ability, will rock your entire world. Do you realize how much brain power and energy you waste at work complaining about decisions that are made way above your pay grade? What about the energy drain that comes with hating your work and wondering if you’re wasting your life? Deciding that you are where you are and that the best decision is to make the best of it will literally change your damn life. I can’t do these books justice. Read them for yourself and let’s have a book club.
- I saw a fireworks show last night at the A’s game and it made me so happy. I was like a giddy little child. The theme was ‘pop music’ and when they synchronized the fireworks to MMMBop by Hanson, I almost lost my damn mind!
- This morning, Jax hurt my leg when we were playing with his ball while I was trying to pretend-meditate and I lost my cool and grabbed his nose in an aggressive way and I feel so bad about it still that I could cry just. An interaction like that proves to me that I still have a long, long, long way to go to be the person I want to be.
The original purpose of writing this post was to remind you that homemade cookies are ALWAYS a good idea on Sunday. I like to save part of the dough and make a fresh dozen mid-week when I really need a pick-me-up. I don’t bake as often as I’d like, but when I do, I tend to make these cookies. They are the Ghirardelli Grand Chip cookie recipe printed on the back of the bag. A bit of a pain to make, but they turn out so good when you follow the directions precisely.
Okay, friends. Signing off for now. I really enjoyed writing this post because it felt like I was just being me. Probably not something that anyone wants to read, but who cares? Almost no one reads this blog anyway!
How’s your weekend going? Any other random bits or bobs you want to share?
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