goals – MeeshyD

My Word for 2020: Surrender

January 1, 2020

It’s the first day of a new decade and that feels big to me. Does it feel big to you?

I’m so excited to be launching into another year. The older I get, the more I appreciate the fresh start of January 1st. It’s a chance to sit and to reflect. To think about the life I have now and be grateful and to think of the life I want to have tomorrow and to chart a path to get there. Lately resolutions have a bad reputation and I understand why because I used to make lots of resolutions in the new year that directly stemmed from my perceived failures in life and how to address them. They were fueled by self-hatred and a belief that if I were to just ‘be better’ my life would be better and I wouldn’t hate myself so much. Now I understand that making a fix to something external isn’t going to improve the internal and that until we’re willing to turn inward and work through what’s going on inside, absolutely nothing we do outside is going make a difference. Even with that understanding, it’s important to recognize that if you want to change your life in any way, you have to RESOLVE to change it. You have to be motivated to do the big, important work of understanding why you do the things you do so that you can do better. So, what I’m saying is that resolutions are super important to me and I think the beginning of the year is a wonderful time to make a change.

As I reflect on 2019, I realize just what a phenomenal year of inner growth it was for me. I committed to growing spiritually and my dedication to my spiritual practice enriched my life in ways I can’t even really describe. I feel connected to my own soul again and to the larger universe around me. I now realize just how much things work together energetically and I feel a reverence to my responsibility of being mindful of my own energy and what I put out into the world. I want to show up as a better person for myself and for the people I love and for the people I love who I haven’t even met yet. I take my responsibility to be the best version of myself very seriously, to be an example of love to everyone I interact with and to undo the generational trauma in my DNA so that I can live in peace inside of my own body and soul.

As I’ve done all of this internal work, I’ve realized how much low energy I still carry with me and I want to continue to unravel these old patterns. The one that gets the best of me is my tendency to live in the future and to think that an imaginary future state is going to make me happy. I have lived this way since I was a child. Back then, I think that imagining a brighter future for myself was my lifeline to survive parts of my childhood and I’m so grateful for that coping mechanism. Now, I realize that it’s time to release that coping mechanism because it’s no longer needed. I got to a place in life that I dreamed up, but my addiction to dreaming of a better future is robbing me of my ability to be here now and to fully experience and embody my own life. I now understand that my controlling tight grip on the future isn’t what got me to where I am now. I know that there were forces far greater than my own control that guided me to my current life and so I’m ready to release the choke hold I have on the future because I now trust that it will unfold perfectly without me directing the show.

My word for 2020 is SURRENDER. To me, surrender means putting my trust in my belief that my life is unfolding perfectly and that I am exactly where I am meant to be. Surrender also means living in the NOW without expectation of the future because I can always handle the now. The pain comes in when I project into the future or dwell in the past. Surrender also means dreaming my biggest and boldest dreams and trusting that if they are meant to happen, I will be given the perfect guidance from my angels to get to where I want to be, that I don’t need to force a single thing.

I know that truly embodying SURRENDER is going to be the challenge of a lifetime, but especially for this next year. That word calls to me at every moment and invites me to release the pain I hold inside and anxiousness I hold over the future. It invites me to life a more embodied life and to commit to the process of growth and unfolding. It asks me to trust over and over again and to step into actually living my life with true awareness and purpose, to release all the shoulda, woulda, couldas and to just be. I’m ready to live that way and to see what happens because I can honestly say that I have lived my entire life in complete opposition to surrender. I’ve been fighting and struggling and dreaming and escaping ever since I can remember.

I suspect that living a year and a life of surrender is going to change everything for me and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds. I hope you’ll follow along with me because I think it’s going to be a wonderful journey.

What about you? How do you feel about resolutions and words? Are you full on woo-woo like me or do you prefer to live a bit more grounded? I’d love to know you all better, so I invite you to leave your thoughts below.

deep thoughts, goals, just for fun, life lately

Business Cards for Meeshyd.com!

December 11, 2019

This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase from Vistaprint using my link, I will receive $20 in Vistaprint credit at no extra cost to you.

I knew when I was a little girl that I was going to be a writer. I just knew. I’ve never once felt any other way about my calling in life other than a deep soul-level knowing that my purpose on this planet is to be a writer. When I started really reading blogs ten years ago, a full lightbulb went off in my head and I knew I found how I was going to write. You mean I can write anything I want to write on a website and people will read it and I can make money off it? My desired profession was sealed from that moment onward.

I started a different blog at first. It was called A Whole Lot of Life and it was technically called a ‘healthy eating’ blog, but it was really just a place for me to publicly diet, which made sense because back then the only thing I really thought about was being thin. I jumped in with gusto and got featured by a major healthy living blog at the time and, just like that, I had an audience of a few thousand readers. I was ecstatic, blogging several times a day. Then, I found a site called GOMI, which is basically an online forum about bloggers/influencers and it scared the crap out of me to think people would eventually write such crazy things about me, so I silenced myself and stopped writing, letting the blog whither away.

But, I still wanted to be a blogger and I’ve wanted to be a blogger ever since I learned what a blog was. I’ve made some attempts to write consistently in this space over the years since launching it SIX years ago, but a recent experience shifted everything for me. I read The Alchemist and I realized that denying myself from pursuing my own purpose in life because I’m afraid that people will criticize me is just silly. That seems really obvious when I type it here, but I went through years of inner turmoil about my creativity and my writing and the fact that I wasn’t doing the thing I really wanted to do and doing a corporate job instead. I whined and stressed over the fact I didn’t have the ideal schedule to write and I had too many other responsibilities, but lately I’ve just decided to write anyway. I decided that my excuses are just my fear over taking myself seriously and worry about what people will think of me and nerves over whether or not I will be ‘successful’. Ultimately, I decided that writing for years without ‘success’ will be far, far better for me than denying my creativity for even a moment longer.

So, I’m writing again and I’m finally taking my dreams seriously. What does a person do when they are finally taking a hobby or dream seriously? THEY MAKE A DAMN BUSINESS CARD. So, I went online and I designed a business card for this little blog. I used Vistaprint and it was really easy and intuitive. I even paid extra to upgrade to the fancy paper stock.

I can’t really explain to you what it means to me to hold a business card in my hand that represents my lifelong dream. It’s like a gave myself permission to be legit, like I told myself that the dream you have in your heart to reach people with your writing and to create a supportive community of women online who tell the truth about their lives matters. It matters and it’s real and it’s tangible and it’s just awesome.

Welcome to the next chapter of meeshyd.com, friends. I’m so glad you’re here.

daily diary, deep thoughts, goals

I’m Tired of Searching for Someone to Save Me

August 30, 2019

This morning, I realized that for a long, long while I have been looking for an escape hatch from my life. In a world of overnight successes, I wanted my writing to blow up or to win the lottery or any number of crazy fantasies to come through for me so I could avoid the hard drip, drip, drip process of growing as a human.

With my debt, I’ve been looking for a solution where I could be out of debt in less than a year. Not going to lie, part of that plan literally involved winning the lottery. It came from a place of desperation because I couldn’t fathom having the discipline and patience to work through a multi-year plan that would erase it all. I’ve spent years looking for a quick fix, when I could’ve spent years doing the steady work instead.

With my writing, it’s the same. I write consistently for a couple of months and then get obsessive about the numbers and fall prey to internet marketers and their promises of ‘my ten easy steps to write flawless articles that go viral’. I write one blog piece that I’m proud of and then start wondering why the book contract isn’t coming.

I had to travel for business this week to Minneapolis, Minnesota. I bought David Sedaris’ book ‘Theft by Finding’, where he shares excerpts from his diary over the years. What struck me is how hard he worked, how much time he put in to be successful. He painted so many walls, cleaned so many apartments, spent countless nights in IHOP working on his writing. He is one of my favorite writers ever, but I had never really thought about how hard the journey was for him. His success wasn’t linear. I figured he always knew what he wanted and he got his big break and that was that. How could someone so talented do anything other than write?

My spiritual awakening over the past year started because I wanted a vegan business I was working on to be successful. I found the law of attraction and thought I could believe my way to success. I still do believe in the power of the universe and that our thoughts become our realities, but I don’t think that the universe or god or whatever you call that spirit that creates our souls is a short-order cook churning out our dreams. I think that the universe shows up when you’re serious about your goals. I think that the work you do in good faith calls your angels forward to guide you, but that the way you activate the universal guidance is by seriously showing up to do the work.

I also realize that my spiritual awakening has brought so, so, so much more than the law of attraction. It put me back in contact with my own soul, it connected me back to myself in a powerful way and it helped heal the parts inside of me that were broken. I look back and think that it was funny that I reconnected to my soul through my own egoic desire to have my business be successful when the business is now on the back burner and my own spiritual growth is shining so bright. Life is funny like that, right?

I see so clearly right now that, for me, I no longer want a ‘quick fix’ to come in and overhaul my life to bring me my desires overnight. I want to dig deep and be my own savior, going through the sometimes painfully slow process of doing it for myself. I’m not going to say no if my spiritual guides step in every once in a while with a little fairy dust to move things along, but I’m now buckled up and ready for a longer journey. I want to do my writing everyday and find a community of people who want to follow along with my antics. I want to stick to my plan to pay off my debts and feel the joy that will come when I send in that final payment knowing that I alone did the hard work to pay back the money that all of these institutions loaned me. I want to find the joy that comes with fully living and embracing every moment of life, from the mundane days in the office while I work on my dream to the little flings of joy that come when someone leaves a comment on something I’ve written.

It’s easier said than done, sure. But now it’s said, let’s get it done.

What is one dream that you have that you are avoiding doing the work to accomplish?

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