It’s the first day of a new decade and that feels big to me. Does it feel big to you?
I’m so excited to be launching into another year. The older I get, the more I appreciate the fresh start of January 1st. It’s a chance to sit and to reflect. To think about the life I have now and be grateful and to think of the life I want to have tomorrow and to chart a path to get there. Lately resolutions have a bad reputation and I understand why because I used to make lots of resolutions in the new year that directly stemmed from my perceived failures in life and how to address them. They were fueled by self-hatred and a belief that if I were to just ‘be better’ my life would be better and I wouldn’t hate myself so much. Now I understand that making a fix to something external isn’t going to improve the internal and that until we’re willing to turn inward and work through what’s going on inside, absolutely nothing we do outside is going make a difference. Even with that understanding, it’s important to recognize that if you want to change your life in any way, you have to RESOLVE to change it. You have to be motivated to do the big, important work of understanding why you do the things you do so that you can do better. So, what I’m saying is that resolutions are super important to me and I think the beginning of the year is a wonderful time to make a change.
As I reflect on 2019, I realize just what a phenomenal year of inner growth it was for me. I committed to growing spiritually and my dedication to my spiritual practice enriched my life in ways I can’t even really describe. I feel connected to my own soul again and to the larger universe around me. I now realize just how much things work together energetically and I feel a reverence to my responsibility of being mindful of my own energy and what I put out into the world. I want to show up as a better person for myself and for the people I love and for the people I love who I haven’t even met yet. I take my responsibility to be the best version of myself very seriously, to be an example of love to everyone I interact with and to undo the generational trauma in my DNA so that I can live in peace inside of my own body and soul.
As I’ve done all of this internal work, I’ve realized how much low energy I still carry with me and I want to continue to unravel these old patterns. The one that gets the best of me is my tendency to live in the future and to think that an imaginary future state is going to make me happy. I have lived this way since I was a child. Back then, I think that imagining a brighter future for myself was my lifeline to survive parts of my childhood and I’m so grateful for that coping mechanism. Now, I realize that it’s time to release that coping mechanism because it’s no longer needed. I got to a place in life that I dreamed up, but my addiction to dreaming of a better future is robbing me of my ability to be here now and to fully experience and embody my own life. I now understand that my controlling tight grip on the future isn’t what got me to where I am now. I know that there were forces far greater than my own control that guided me to my current life and so I’m ready to release the choke hold I have on the future because I now trust that it will unfold perfectly without me directing the show.
My word for 2020 is SURRENDER. To me, surrender means putting my trust in my belief that my life is unfolding perfectly and that I am exactly where I am meant to be. Surrender also means living in the NOW without expectation of the future because I can always handle the now. The pain comes in when I project into the future or dwell in the past. Surrender also means dreaming my biggest and boldest dreams and trusting that if they are meant to happen, I will be given the perfect guidance from my angels to get to where I want to be, that I don’t need to force a single thing.
I know that truly embodying SURRENDER is going to be the challenge of a lifetime, but especially for this next year. That word calls to me at every moment and invites me to release the pain I hold inside and anxiousness I hold over the future. It invites me to life a more embodied life and to commit to the process of growth and unfolding. It asks me to trust over and over again and to step into actually living my life with true awareness and purpose, to release all the shoulda, woulda, couldas and to just be. I’m ready to live that way and to see what happens because I can honestly say that I have lived my entire life in complete opposition to surrender. I’ve been fighting and struggling and dreaming and escaping ever since I can remember.
I suspect that living a year and a life of surrender is going to change everything for me and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds. I hope you’ll follow along with me because I think it’s going to be a wonderful journey.
What about you? How do you feel about resolutions and words? Are you full on woo-woo like me or do you prefer to live a bit more grounded? I’d love to know you all better, so I invite you to leave your thoughts below.
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