Hello! I’m back and it’s for real this time.
As I journey through my life, the thing I come back to over and over and over again is that I want to blog. I want to have a space online where I can share my life and my thoughts. Why is it so hard to accept this truth of what I want so badly? It’s not even that big of a life dream, to write a blog. Why do I run away from the very thing I want more than anything?
It’s fear. I’m afraid that I’ll say the wrong thing and offend someone. I truly fear hurting people with my words, with my truth. What if I inadvertently say something to harm someone and I end up a mockery? This fear stopped me for a long time. Now? I still have it, but I’m pushing through it. I realized that I am most certainly going to do something to offend someone if I share my truth. I promise to keep an open heart and apologize when I make mistakes, but I’m giving up the need to be perfect before I share. It’s not possible, so I’m doing my best to let it go.
I’m also afraid that it will actually work. Perhaps that’s the scariest fear of all? What if I actually DO reach people with my words, by sharing my truth? Will I crumble under the pressure of that? Will achieving this thing I say I want so badly actually be something I find fulfilling? It feels safer to want it from afar because then I can find comfort in the thing I want but don’t have, instead of doing the work and finding out what’s on the other side of it.
Now that I recognize this fear, I can look it in the face and laugh at it. That’s not the way I want to play out my life, holding myself apart from the thing I actually want for fear that I might not like it. If that happens, I’ll collect myself and move on. Onward and upward. I’ve decided I want a big life. I don’t want to stand on the sidelines of my own dreams. So, I’m throwing myself into the fray and trying. I’m doing it! I’m a blogger and a writer, today and always until such time I decide to change my mind!
I think that’s the best way to approach these roles we put on in this life. Just tell yourself: I’ll do this until I don’t want to anymore, but I’ll never back down from taking on a role I find compelling out of fear.
So, here I am. I’m committed to writing in this space every.single.day. and sharing my life. My hopes, my dreams, my NUMEROUS projects, my mundane day-to-day. I hope my writing will reach other women out there in the world who want to connect with women who are ready to set their lives on fire, to live out their dreams, whatever shape they take. The building of who we are meant to be happens in the liminal moments of the day-to-day. We build ourselves brick by brick. Welcome to my construction project!
I really want to commit to writing every day for the rest of my life, but I’m starting small. I VOW to write here and repost on my social media every day for the next thirty days. Then, I’ll reassess and hopefully sign up for another month, on and on for the rest of my life. 🙂
My hope is to post in the morning with a little recap of the day prior or whatever is on my mind in the moment. I truly don’t know what’s going to come out! That’s the fun of it.
Day 1
Last night, I went to the Oakland A’s game with Keith’s mom Von and her bestie Patty and Patty’s sister. I know, I’m really going to write about a baseball game on my first day back writing! Could I be any more basic?
But, look at that photo, friends. It was the most perfect Summer evening. The temperature was just right. Our seats were awesome. We were all together watching the Yankees absolutely spank the A’s. Patty and her sister are Yankee fans so they were losing their minds. We ate sub sandwiches and talked and it was just beautiful in the most commonplace way. These moments are truly the nectar of it all, don’t you think?
I also took this selfie with Von.
I didn’t like it, so I put a filter on it and then I liked it more.
And that sort of freaked me out because I realized that I am photoshopping my own self. We got the power back from the media to tell our own stories and then with all this power of self-expression, we’ve emulated their tactics and started to photoshop our own lives. It’s a sickness, I tell ya!
But, seriously. How cute are we?!?
See you tomorrow!
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