Earlier this week, I found out I didn’t get a job I really, really wanted. I might have even used the words ‘dream’ in conjunction with this job, so finding out I didn’t get it devastated me.
Now with a few days distance, I feel embarrassed about how dramatic I was when I received the news. I’ve debated even writing about it, but I want to share the good and the bad as much as I can in this space. I’m not interested in sharing a highlight reel of my life – I really want to use my writing to create real connection with people over the good AND the hard parts of life.
So, I didn’t get the job and I was sad and I found myself in Target. Why does that always seem to happen? A little retail therapy while processing my feelings was welcome. I also got the bright idea to make a super comforting dinner that night. I was aiming to make shells and cheese, but they were out of shell pasta so I opted for lasagna noodles.
I had never made lasagna and wow, oh wow, I was more than pleased with the results and feel compelled to share the technique I used with you. Not that you can’t look up how to make lasagna on your own, but here’s my own little method. I didn’t really use a recipe, just a little of this and that.
I started with the sauce. It’s really all about the sauce, isn’t it?
I like to fancy up a jar of marinara sauce by sauteing an entire onion in olive oil, a little bit of salt, a bunch of garlic powder and any ‘Italian seeming’ herbs I might have in my cupboard. I let the onions get translucent and then dump a bunch of minced garlic in for just a moment. The amount is up to you. I love garlic a whole lot, so I put a couple of spoonfuls in. This step smells the most amazing. After the garlic, I add an entire jar of marinara sauce and sometimes a can of diced tomatoes. I let that cook as low and slow as I can and I taste it throughout, adding a bit more salt, a bit more herbs, and even more garlic if I want. I also like to stir in a spoonful of sugar. It really helps balance out all of the acid in the tomatoes.
While my sauce was ripening, I whipped up the ricotta mixture. An entire container of ricotta, salt, pepper, more italian herbs, an egg, a bit of parmesan cheese. Don’t overthink it. Whip it together until just blended and then let it sit.
Once the sauce is ready, pull out your pan and get to layering. Start with a generous base of sauce, then noodles, then ricotta and even a bit of mozzarella. Layer, layer, layer. For this recipe, I got the noodles that didn’t need to be pre-boiled and I thought they were every bit as delicious as typical lasagna noodles. I went with a smaller 8×8 pan so I could have more layers and I didn’t regret it for a moment. Stack it high and watch it fly. Make sure that you end with a sauce layer on top and then cover with foil and pop in the oven on 375 and wait for the magic to happen. I have convinced myself that I can tell by smell when a food is done. It’s like the weird intuition, but if you’re not blessed in the smell department like me, you want to keep it in the oven for about 50 minutes or so and then remove the foil and add a generous topping of cheese and allow it to get perfectly melted. I did a mixture of mozzarella and parm – my only regret – as the parm got tough and made it hard to eat. Next time, I’ll do only moz and then add the parm right before eating it.
For me, cooking myself a meal fit for a queen helped distract me and keep me in my worth during a low moment. It wasn’t necessarily about the comfort of food, even though I did find it comforting and nourishing in a way that made me feel better. It was more about telling myself that I am worth it, holding space for my own pleasure and enjoyment, reimagining the story I wanted to tell myself about not being ‘good enough’ just because I got rejected from something that meant a lot to me. I felt reminded that I work so hard so that I can provide for my family and myself, that the job is all about the stability of home and love and that I am lucky enough to have that RIGHT NOW even if I want more.
It is enough. I am enough.
So, I hope you take good care of yourself too, friends. I hope you make Sad Lasagna when you need to and that you remind yourself that you are your own best friend and comfort when you need it.
What is your favorite comfort food?
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