I’ve been away from this space for a while now. I needed a moment to collect myself and to process what’s happening in the world and to contemplate the changes I need to make in my life and mind.

If you’ve been reading here for a while, I hope it’s already clear to you that I wholeheartedly believe that Black Lives Matter and that I am actively anti-racist. I use this little platform, my voice, to amplify the work of black creators and POC and I plan to do that more as I continue to grow this space. I believe action matters so much more than words, even though I am a writer, so I am focused less on writing and more on living my life to better support dismantling the ridiculously hateful, systemic racism in our country. As a woman dating a black man and helping raise two black sons, I see the effects of racism everyday. Shit has to change and we can’t look to anyone other than ourselves to make that happen.

And still, we have to eat.

We have to sustain and nourish ourselves and our loved ones. Food is a comfort and a unifier even in the toughest of times. I wish I could make you a pie right now and invite you into my kitchen, pour you a cup of freshly brewed decaf coffee because it’s getting late and sit with you at my table as I serve you a slice of pie. Doesn’t that sound like heaven? I wish I could create a cocoon of love and hope for everyone reading here, but since I can’t do that, I’d like to share my current favorite pie.

My aunt used to make this when I was growing up. It’s the kind of dish you make and bring to a potluck. It’s easy and nutty and shockingly good. It’s a special alchemy that springs from the humblest of ingredients: cool whip, jello pudding and cream cheese. It’s just delightful.

Pecan Delight Chocolate Pie (slightly adapted from allrecipes.com)

Ingredients:

• 1 stick of cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
• 1 cup flour
• 1 cup chopped pecans plus a little bit extra to use as garnish
• Pinch of salt
• 1 package of chocolate jello pudding
• 1 package of vanilla jello pudding
• 3 cups milk
• 1 block cream cheese (8 ounces)
• 1 cup confectioners sugar
• 1 container of cool whip, thawed and divided

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Combine cold, diced butter with flour and a pinch of salt and mix with your hands until the butter is just incorporated into the flour. I like to mash the butter a bit and then roll it in the flour until I get little pea-sized butter bits. Add the pecans and mix until combined.
3. Press into 9X13 baking pan or large pie plate and bake for about ten minutes, until golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool.
4. Whisk pudding mixes with milk until they become…pudding-y?
5. Using an electric mixer in a separate bowl, cream together 1 cup cool whip with cream cheese and confectioners sugar for a couple of minutes until well-incorporated.
6. Pour half of pudding mixture into cooled crust.
7. Layer on cream cheese mixture.
8. Add rest of pudding mixture.
9. Top with rest of cool whip and garnish with chopped pecans.

A little note about this pie: she’s not going to cut into pretty slices like a typical pie. This is a humble, blobby type of pie. I like it that way, completely unpretentious and utterly delicious.

I’m going to sign off for now, but before I go, I just want to say that I truly love everyone who takes the time to read here. I hope to make this space inclusive and fully worthy of your limited attention and also a place of joy, unconditional acceptance and love.